Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i've created a new STD.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
