it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair