i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work