Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
3pm strippers are depressing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago