Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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