The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
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just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.