New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I supernannyed him into submission
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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