Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
