Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
