don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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