Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
