i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
