Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All I want is dick and wine.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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