There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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