did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
