New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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