2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
