She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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