i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Barsexuality is the new black.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
