Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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