to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
