I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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