i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
