My nipple is on Facebook.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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