I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize