Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
