dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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