my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
