I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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