No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
