I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
