I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
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work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
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You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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