There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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