even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
