(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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