I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
