I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
