I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
