Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
