your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
