not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
