He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize