ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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