I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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