im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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