foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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