She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
