I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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