i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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