I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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