i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
