I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize