I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
