Duck Duck Cougar?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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