I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
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Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
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Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize