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Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
