you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
