while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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