dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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