Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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