I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
