I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
