He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
