i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
