I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
