My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
