Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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