Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
