sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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