oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
