I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize