Porn is love you can see.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Girls should come with a carfax report
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
