Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
