I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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