Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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