She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
