My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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