Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
