the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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