Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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