ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
