I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
