hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
