He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
