if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
