too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
